"A man is whole only when he takes into account his shadow."- Djuna Barnes, American artist and writer
What do you think of when you hear the word "shadow"? Do you associate it with something foreboding or scary or evil? Most of us do. Naturally, since shadow is about the absence of light.
Shadow work follows along the same vein, as in looking at the hidden darkness (things we've repressed or rejected) within ourselves. Writer and professional coach Scott Jeffrey has even called it the "disowned self."
This idea of a shadow self originates with psychoanalyst Carl Jung. He claimed this part of ourselves comprised "the whole historical aspect of the unconscious." That's a lot.
In shadow work, the goal is to bring these dark parts of ourselves into the light. To examine them, reflect on where they came from and why they are here -- in order to heal and make peace with these seemingly unlovable parts of ourselves.
But, where does this shadow part of us come from?
Looking at you, childhood. Probably unsurprisingly, the shadow builds up when we start repressing negative thoughts and feelings, which usually begins when we're little.
That time when you got angry at your sister for taking your toy, so you shoved her and were scolded by your mom. Or when you got frustrated with a math problem and started crying, and your dad told you to stop acting like a baby. You then repress these feelings of anger and frustration because your brain has subconsciously defined them as "bad". But if we don't work them out, they remain in our psyche, building up with every similar event. This forms our shadow self.
At points in our life, these pent up feelings leak out in often non-productive ways. Our minds decide we need to be perfect in every way so we don't get criticized. Or we blow up when we have minor challenges. With shadow work, we're able to identify and work out those feelings, preventing these overblown reactions.
Seemingly, the shadow is all about the negative. But that actually isn't true. We also suppress good parts of ourselves when they aren't accepted by others.
Maybe when you were young, you were very confident and outspoken. But your parents or other adults around you disapproved, telling you to be quiet. Or you liked to draw or paint, but were told that it was silly or a waste of time. You stifled your creative expression.
Again, this repression can affect us later. You keep quiet in work meetings, even though you have great ideas. Or you pursue a career that is very analytical, yet everyday feel the pain of not being creative.
Now that Jung quote about the "whole historical aspect of the unconscious" makes sense.
So, how do we work on our shadows?
The first step is learning to identify when our shadows are coming into play. Things like judging and blaming others for the very things we don't like about ourselves, or finding ourselves triggered by something someone said or did, or repeating negative patterns and cycles can all point to our shadow in action.
When we identify that our shadow is at play, we can start looking at it.
As we discussed earlier, the shadow is built in childhood. So that is where we start. Take time to consciously reflect on your upbringing. When did you feel rejected by others? What did you repress because it wasn't acceptable to your parents or other adults, or your friends and peers?
Go deep within yourself to really feel the things you felt then. Cry or get angry (in a healthy way). This is the beginning of you getting in touch with your shadow and acknowledging its existence. Even that simple acknowledgement can heal parts of our shadow that longs for recognition.
Another important piece to looking at our shadow self is to not judge or blame or shame it. Our coping mechanisms as children were different, and we oftentimes didn't have sole jurisdiction over our own bodies and minds. Our shadow isn't bad. We did the best we could at the time.
Examining our triggers is another way to do shadow work. When we lash out at a seemingly small issue, for example, think about what happened inside of us to cause so much anger. Or observe your behavior and thinking in that moment from a perspective of curiosity versus judgement.
Working with a mental health professional to acknowledge your shadow self and start examining it can also be helpful.
Are there concerns about shadow work?
Shadow work can certainly be beneficial, but it's not always right for everyone, or the right time. If you are in an emotionally vulnerable season of life at the moment, it may not be ideal. Or if trying some of these methods seems to make you feel worse or increases your triggers, now may not be the right time.
Also, shadow work isn't a formal therapeutic practice. Though many professional therapists and counselors are aware of it and work with it in some form, it may take different shapes depending upon whom you work with.
What are the benefits of shadow work?
There can be a lot of healing and relief in our lives when we do shadow work. Some benefits of this work include having and building better relationships, more emotional and mental clarity, and more empathy and compassion with others and with ourselves!
This article is a high-level overview of shadow work. There can be a lot more nuance and details to it. If you're curious, check these out:
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