The Power of Surrender

"The simple intention to surrender control is all you need to experience miracles."- Gabby Bernstein, motivational speaker, life coach, author

I'm a control freak. Like a lot of us, feeling like we don't have control of every facet and nuance of our lives leaves us frustrated, confused and disappointed. We're constantly butting up against "reality" when things don't go our way. Our expectations aren't met, our plans don't work out, and our work crumbles into chaos.

Despite that, we tighten our grip. We believe if we can just box things in more, set up more rules, or take away choices, we will finally, finally make everything perfect.

Aren't you exhausted? I sure am.

I didn't know any other way. It's been fairly recently I've learned about surrender. What do I mean when I say "surrender"? I know the word can conjure up negative things, like giving up or not caring anymore. But there's actually a much different, much more powerful meaning to the word.

What does it mean to surrender?

You've heard phrases like, "Let go, Let God" or, from the Serenity Prayer, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change." That's the gist of surrendering, or as I sometimes call it, releasing.

It's about letting go of the need to control everything in our lives, and surrendering it to our Higher Power, whatever that looks like for you. Call it God, the Universe, Source, Spirit, intuition, inner knowing, etc., it's accepting something beyond ourselves is at work in our lives, and is conspiring for our greatest good.

The idea of surrendering has had a profound impact on my life over the past few years. I began to discover just how tightly I held onto my version of what I wanted, and how I tried to force or push to make it happen.

Though there's nothing wrong in working hard for what you want, it can be taken to extremes. When we need to control, we may start to manipulate others or situations in our favor. We may present things in a way that makes us look good, or others bad, or even lie to get what we want. This runs counter to the idea of surrendering.

Rather than continual striving and scheming, surrendering is about giving up that control and letting the Universe be our guide. 

How do I surrender?

When we surrender, we consciously and deliberately choose to take our hands off the wheel. We stop mulling it over, stop molding things, stop trying to twist and turn people or events into what we want them to look like. Instead, we give it up to Source, and let that provide our answers.

The process of surrendering can be as formal or informal as you like. You can, for example, say the words out loud: I surrender X to the Universe. Prayer is another way to do this. You can also envision yourself surrendering the problem, situation or expectation to Source.

For me, surrendering looks like not constantly revisiting an issue I'm struggling with. When I surrender, it's no longer in my hands. I don't work toward resolution or try to "make things happen." I simply wait until an answer is given.

Why should I surrender?

Surrendering some issue or challenge to God or Spirit relieves us of control and of expectation. We no longer need to plan for every potential scenario or be disappointed when things don't show up the way we thought they would.  

In the past, I've placed a lot of heavy expectations upon myself and other people. If someone didn't show up for me in the way I wanted them to (even if I never expressed that desire), I got angry and bitter. I resented them, despite them not knowing I had put this burden on their shoulders. 

And often, I would walk away from that relationship. Whether it was a romantic relationship, a friendship, or a relationship with a family member or even a co-worker, I found a way to distance myself. Sometimes, I just cut them out of my life with no explanation or warning.

When I learned to surrender, though, I could let go of those expectations. Asking the Universe to present me with what was in my best interest meant that things didn't have to show up in a certain way. However they showed up, is how they were meant to.

What happens when I surrender?

It's not easy to surrender in the first place, and even when we think we have, we might still be holding onto pieces we don't want to relinquish control of. So it's a constant practice of going back, and letting go again and again.

But when you deliberately practice surrendering, you are aligning yourself more fully with your Higher Power. You allow for possibilities, and are much more open to the creative solutions it may bring to you.

One of my favorite expressions that I constantly remind myself of is, Expect nothing and accept everything. The answers to your dilemma will come in ways you did not see, and you will know them when they do. When you are in alignment, things flow in a gentler, easy way. The resolution will feel right and powerful to you and match with your intuition, and there's relief in knowing you've been guided to this point.

For me, the ability to surrender complicated, seemingly unsolvable things to the Universe means I can stop trying to control. And it strengthens my belief and reliance on something greater than myself. That power is something I can rely on to help me, to heal me, and to hold me.

I wish the same for you.